Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
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