She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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