i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
