Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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