Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
