I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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