it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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