Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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