I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
