So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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