hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Randomize
