I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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