The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
