My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize