My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
