I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
