I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
