I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
