i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize