It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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