Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
