butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
