i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
