Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
