I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
