so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I did not marry a roomba.
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