i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
