peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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