New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
We just shotgunned beers for America
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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