Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
