I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
