Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
