what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
