nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
