my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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