We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
