well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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