lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
