i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
she pinky promised me she was 18
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize