Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
