Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
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