I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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