Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
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