Pappa wants mamma naked
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
