Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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