been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
