C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Randomize
