Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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