He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
