Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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