I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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