hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
