Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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