if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
