tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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