Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
