I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize