I am in a vortex of obligation.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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