Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
