i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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