Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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