yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
