My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
