I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Randomize
