i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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