I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
