Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
