Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
