i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
