my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
