I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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