Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
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