I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
