i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
