would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
