Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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