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My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
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