hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
