I never want to see another naked old woman again.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
