dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
