And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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