im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Randomize
