Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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