dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
