he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize