I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
