So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
