so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize