you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
