Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
