If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
