Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
