I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
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