the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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