Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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