You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
