Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
