I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
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