: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
