She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
