What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
The power of my boobs compel you
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
