i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
The adults are the big ones right?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
