my being single is dangerous.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
My butt remains clenched, sir.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
