Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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