I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
