You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
